Difficult weeks suck

Why is one day make all the difference? Like I was so hopeful in the beginning of this week.

As the title suggests, I've had a hard week. I don't know if it's hormones from a period I can no longer track, riding the happy high too long, different events and conversations triggering me, medication not quite balancing out yet, or just a combination of everything. I started this melt down Thursday. Fighting with Devin, over not being ready for an event that our friends were waiting for us. Eventually that night it lead to a panic attack (which I hadn't had in a while). Devin didn't handle it really well this time. He's normally super good at getting me calm but this time I could still feel how angry he was as he tried to get me to calm down. Which triggered me more and then he just left me, on the bathroom floor gasping for air. Alone. Eventually King came to check me out, hop on the counter and attempted to knock over the metal cup directly above my head. In a brief spurt of panic I tried to get Devin's attention by kicking the side of the tub to make noise. This fortunately stopped King from further pushing the cup towards the edge of the counter, saving me from extra pain. Eventually Devin came back calmer, and was able to get me from hyperventilating myself to death. He got me up, and in bed, but left to continue calming himself down. Eventually we talked/ yelled (me) our thoughts at each other and he let me sleep. It took 2 of my normal panic attack meds to help me calm down. And despite Devin's attempts to shove them in my mouth while hyperventilating (BAD IDEA DEVIN)  I'm still here, alive, and back to wishing I wasn't. I know I'm supposed to think "I'm overwhelmed" but I'm so overwhelmed I can't make anymore effort past that to think about anything else. The fuzzy deep thought shield is thick and prickly this week.

Yesterday I was still upsetti, and I left work early to go on a food date with Devin in hopes to make me feel better, but I was still grumpy AF all last evening. I ended up putting myself to bed early. This morning wasn't any better and Devin and I got into a incredibly frustrating conversation about how wearing a bra would make boobs hurt less. WHICH IS NOT TRUE, DEVIN!!! Then he has the gall to ask me if I knew everything about being a girl, and I wanted to PUNCH HIM TO THE MOON. I still cannot tell if he was being an asshole on purpose, was doing the whole "sky is blue act," or just is genuinely unaware of how breasts work. And if the third is the case WHY ARE YOU ARGUING WITH AN ACTUAL GIRL WITH BOOBIES?!?!  Holy shit I'm still so mad about this. To top it off I'm working te front desk today, and I'm already hating it. I forgot how to do stuff, I hate scheduling taxis and I have an incredibly low tolerance for stupid.

My therapist mentioned that I might go every other week with her, but a taste of this shit this week made me realize I still need to go weekly.